Doing my own thing!
Actually, I always felt that I am quite good in doing my own thing... I was easily able to organize my tasks during a working day, did sports whenever I felt I need it and filled my free weekend with a trip I like to venture. Spending time on my own usually helped me to come up with new ideas about how to rearrange my room at home, which ingredients for the next meal to assemble or what to give to others as nice christmas presents. This always works out easily and feels like something autonomous and energetic.
Spending time on my own usually helped me to find out and follow what’s best for me and what I like the most. Even though I am not shy of telling that I like doing yoga and meditating, I practice it most regularly when I have enough time by myself and can decide autonomously when, where and how long to do it - No family member around who want me to do the washing, or roommates who would like to cook dinner together or workmates who need me to start working earlier today because they are stuck in traffic… Even though I like travelling with other friends, I am more self confident and faster in deciding where to go and what to see when I am all by myself. Seems that I am better able to do my thing, while I am all by myself. Reasonable, right?
Sounds simple to do what you want to do when you are the only one who can decide. But, is it also that simple to keep on doing your own thing as soon as there are other people around, being involved in the decision making process by sharing their opinions, ideas and needs? … who would get affected by your decisions? … if there is someone who wouldn’t like it?
Well, I thought that it might not be as easy, but still, that I am able to manage continuing what’s best for me. The shattering reality is: I am not!
My thoughts are circulating too much around the previous or upcoming events, I am good in striking assumptions quite quickly and sometimes I can even take things personally, even though they aren’t meant to be against me… Not the best requirements to keep in doing what’s best for me within group work! All this implicates that I am thinking too much about others than about myself.
Caring others feelings is generally a good characteristic, I find. I am always feeling empathy, trying to understand others, learn from them and willing to give my best to satisfy what’s in my force. I know, that satisfying others is not my personal responsibility and that’s why I am not trying to demand the impossible from myself. Nevertheless, I like to see people I am surrounded by and who are important to me happy and smiling. And this is something that I can do, at least for some parts we are connected through.
Making it concrete, I will give some examples from groupwork experiences. I was usually really good in letting my group members chose their favorite topic to write about, so I was stuck with a chapter I wouldn’t have picked preferrably. Agreeing to bring the whole report in the correct format as the very final task wasn’t something I loved to to, but I did in order to reduce others work. Even though I felt sick, I offered to keep on writing parts we agreed on so that the workload was fair to everyone...
The downside of the caring part of my personality is that I might loose my own needs off focus. Working as much as possible so that others feel fairly treated and happy could mean for me that I won’t be able to practice yoga, meet my friend or cook something I was already waiting for the whole day.
But, dear reader, you know what? I have become better! I have improved my skill to stop working at a certain point, reset my deliberate intentions of thinking less, dont take anything personally, dont assume that others would smile more if I smile harder and asked myself what I would be most happy with before I asked others. And again, you know what? I am still alive and the best: all my group memebers are as well. Hahaha! I have to write it in such an extreme way, because I am so excited about my learning progress.
In this respect I have to say „big thanks“! Big thanks to some classmates who have been great role models to me during groupworks. You have acted selfconfidentially, have chosen your words carefully and worked professionally. you have given me unique feedback in such a personal and lovely way, made me aware of my strengths, which gave me power and self reliance. If you read it, you will know that I mean you! You have really supported me in growing. I am so grateful for all the time we shared and every experience we made together!